Why getting back with an ex is so compelling.

It’s always a tough situation when you decide to actually get back with an ex, especially if they are the one that got away. Funny thing  is that they are our exes for a reason. Somehow we try and justify their past actions and call them mistakes. Life has shown us that people will only treat you based on the way they feel you deserve to be treated and if your ex hurt you in the past there is no guarantee they wont do it again. So, if you find yourself in this situation, before you actually give that person another chance you need to have a really deep conversation with your inner self. 

The reason sometimes you want to get back with an ex is because you are scared to move on with someone new. Getting to know someone anew is a tedious process and is scary too. You have known your ex for a longtime and you feel like moving on is a waste of all the time and energy you had invested in that relationship.

Whilst moving on might open new doors and adventures with the new person .As human beings we tend to fear the unknown and that’s perfectly normal. It is also good to give yourself a chance at love instead of being bound to one person who wasted their opportunity of treating you how you deserve.

It is tempting to get back with an ex because it is a familiar feeling, you are comfortable with their presence and you know everything about the person. We are usually  in denial that we can find someone who understands us the same way. The answer is Yes, we can! . You might even find someone ten times better that your previous relationship. Do not cheat yourself out of love because of the what ifs running through your mind.

Sometimes people feel tempted to get back to their exes in hopes that they have changed their bad habits. Conversely, if you’ve spent a long time away from someone, once you get back together and find that you fall into the same toxic patterns as before with that person, that knowledge can be advantageous, too. Sensing that you’re going to run into the same headaches all over again could give you the foresight to avoid the same disaster twice.

When you do finally decide to get back with your ex; be ready to confront those hurtful memories – not just with yourself and with your loved ones, but with your ex themselves, which can be the hardest part. That is one piece that is rather challenging and you have to work through. Leaving the past in the past, with someone from the past!

Reconciliation and action are not always possibilities. There are some indicators that should be absolute deal-breakers. Any abuse — whether it is physical, emotional, or sexual — is totally unacceptable in a relationship. If your partner has hit you once, there is always the possibility that they will do it again, and you will never be free to be totally honest with them or trust them not to hurt you again.

If someone has an addiction or mental illness but is unwilling to get treatment, that’s also a deal-breaker. If someone is morally and ethically not aligned with you, that is not going to change. You can change their behaviour, even only for a short while, but you can’t change their character.

 If someone is a compulsive cheater, that likely is to remain the case, though that’s different than someone who screwed up one time. If someone is a compulsive liar, you will never be able to trust them, and trust is the foundation of any successful relationship.

If your former partner was guilty of any of the above, I recommend moving on.